Can you become a different person with a different character?

With clothes and a good hairstylist you can start looking different, but can you become a completely different person? Can you change your behavior and speech and even have a completely different character and personality?

Yes, you can and the proof is that we actually evolve every day. Are you still the same person you were 10 years ago? Or does it only seem that way and is the evolution so slow that we ourselves hardly notice the difference?


Of course, even after 10 years, you will still have some predominant traits, but your personality is completely different. Maybe you were extroverted or introverted and you still are, but your personality and character consist of more than that.

A personality test was taken twice when someone was 14 years old and later when he was 74 found that these were two completely different personalities.

How quickly can you change your personality?

If you really want to, you can decide to change your being and therefore your character and personality in an instant. This has everything to do with whether you really choose to do so. After all, it is a choice of who you want to be. Another way to change personality immediately is to go through a life-changing event.

People who have had a near-death experience often change their character suddenly and the same is true for people who suddenly find themselves in a life-threatening situation.

... ...

If you are anxious and introverted it can feel like you will always be this way and have no choice, but appearances can be deceiving. Or rather, you are deceiving yourself. You are, in fact, completely free to be who you want to be.

The art of change is knowing what you are choosing. This is not about how you want to behave, but who you want to be. Who is that person you dream of and what character is that exactly?

Do you want to be or become a different person?

Many introverts would like to become something more extroverted. But wanting to become something doesn't change anything. The choice should be about what you decide to be. The difference is that wanting to become something gives you room to still hold on to your old personality. Deciding to be a certain person does not give this space. This choice is in fact very black and white. It is either you or you are not.

Another common problem why people find it difficult to change their personality is that they insist on knowing why they are the way they are. However, the 'why question' is never relevant. As if knowing why you are an introvert would make it easier to become an extrovert. For example, if you find out that you are introverted because you used to be bullied, this really doesn't answer how to become an extrovert.

Finally, there are also people who believe that they can change their personality if they know how they no longer want to be or do. These say words like: I never want to be aggressive again, or I never want to be shy again.

For everything you don't want, there has to be something in return in order to change substantially. This is a familiar thing from addiction treatment. People who decide never to drink again are many times less successful in their attempt to get rid of the addiction than those who decide to be and stay healthy.

Convictions shape your character

To change your character and personality, it is necessary to change many of your convictions as well. For example, if you decide to be an extrovert, the conviction that all people are bad for you can hinder your change. Also, convictions such as that you are not good enough, can't do anything, others are always better, etc, hinder a transition from one personality to another.

Changing your own convictions is a complex process that few people can do on their own. Often we are so convinced of our own convictions that we don't even believe they can change. Yet we deceive ourselves in this area as well.

Every successful coach or therapist works with the convictions of their client. For example, we may be convinced that we will never find a nice and suitable partner because you have already been rejected four times. A coach will give you insights that will weaken this conviction or even turn it around into the conviction that you too can find a partner.

Ben Steenstra Ben Steenstra
01-04-2021 4 mins read
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