My emotions are true or not?

Ben Steenstra
28 Mar 2019 | 3 mins read
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There is nothing more annoying than entering into a dialogue with someone who truly believes that his or her emotions tell the truth. I feel bad, so you did something bad. Or we don't buy that car because it doesn't feel right. I do not want to undermine the importance of pure feelings. What matters to me is that feeling is always a cause of your own perception and associations and therefore has nothing to do with reality.

handling emotions

Where do feelings come from?

We can easily be inclined to believe that feelings and emotions are simply there and that we have no influence on them. As if it is something that is outside of us. Or as the people who find themselves very intuitive could say: “It is something that we get inspired from above as wise advice.”

Complete nonsense: How people have learned this and where they have learned it remains a mystery to me, because feelings are a logical consequence of how you deal with something external. Do you get tears in your eyes from that beautiful red rose? Or are you frightened when someone speaks harsh and nasty words to you? Then ask yourself if it is the words or the rose that give you an emotion and feeling or the meaning that you give that rose and words and the associations that you have with it.

A red rose means nothing by itself. The person who gets tears from it has decided to give it meaning and to associate feelings with it. No matter how strange it may sound, the same applies to those annoying words. You give meaning to how loud they sound and to what extent you take them seriously.

The world is boring without meaning and associations

Fortunately human beings can give meaning to something. The world would be very boring if we didn't give it meaning to anything. It is different if we start giving saddening or even pathogenic meanings and associations. Suppose you associated that red rose with the last red rose you got when you broke up with your ex. And the annoying harsh words with the last fight you had. Who made those associations? You could also have chosen to associate that rose with that beautiful rose garden. And those harsh words with a sweet person who finally dares to speak.

If you are able - and you are free to do so - to face the associations and meanings that you give, you are also able to control seemingly uncontrolled emotions. Emotions are not true, but the meaning that you give to something and the associations that you create are true. So the next time you feel something, ask yourself if your perception of the truth is true.

Coaches at TheONE understand your emotions and know how to handle emotions in a positive way. Often believing your emotions are true are related to cognitive distortions. You can read more about cognitive distortions here.

Article rating: 4.0 (1 reviews)
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