Most people have had to deal with heartbreak. Even if you are the one who ends the relationship, you may still be in pain. The pain can come from missing your partner, but also from anger through cheating. If your partner cheated on you during your relationship or suddenly runs off with someone else, you may even get an inferiority complex.
What causes pain in heartbreak?
Thoughts and emotions can literally make us sick. For example, the idea that you will be alone for the rest of your life, the belief (or the facts) that you have been unfairly treated, or the regret that you should have known better, are negative thoughts that can hurt a lot. Research shows that people tend to have stronger emotions when something is taken from them against our will than when we receive it. Negative emotions also have a stronger impact on our body than positive emotions.
When a relationship is broken, something is taken away from us and negative emotions arise. This combination can cause physical pain.
Why can you be confused after a breakup?
After a breakup there can be a conflict between your emotions and your ratio. You know it's better, but you still feel love. Even though you know that love is not healthy for you, you may still have desires.
It is also possible that you enter a phase of incomprehension. Various questions without a concrete answer can confuse you. For example:
- Could you have prevented it?
- Should you have left earlier?
- Was it the right choice?
- Why did you let it come to this?
The grieving process after a break-up of a relationship
During a breakup, the same kind of emotions are released as when someone you love dies. A breakup is a mourning process that can look like this:
Denial You don't really want to know what happened and don't want to think about it. Or you act as if nothing has happened and treat your partner as if you are still in a relationship. Of course, this is not realistic and you will not get the response you normally get back. This is when the next phase begins:
Anger You or your partner get angry and try to blame the other. Feelings of hurt, dishonesty and unreasonableness give you the alibi of not having to take responsibility yourself. Even if you know better, everything lies with the other person. Because this too is ineffective and takes you nowhere, you come to the next phase.
Negotiation Confused as to whether you really want to separate yourself, you still try to find a solution to prevent the pain. You try to repair the breakup on the basis of reasoning and actions. Usually it is already too late for this and you notice that this too is useless. You give up and move on to the next phase.
Depression Without a relationship, you no longer have to live a life and you are gonna see the darkness in the future. You will never be able to trust anyone again, or you will never find a relationship again. The pain has been going on for some time now and all the energy seems to have vanished from your body. With the curtains literally or figuratively closed, you wait for the problem to resolve itself.
NOTE This is the most dangerous phase and therefore the most important phase to call in the help of a heartbreak coach at TheONE!
- Acceptance Now that nothing seems to work and you slowly come to rest, the slow process of acceptance begins. You learn that you have to learn to live with it and turn your eyes to the future again. The duration of this process is different for everyone. The help of heartbreak coaches can shorten the process from months to one or just a few days.
Is there a way not to feel heartbreak?
We humans were born with the gift that we can feel emotions. Without happiness there is no sorrow and without sorrow there is no happiness. Otherwise life would be a boring straight line. Sadness is part of our life and belongs to it. Grief is also a setback and not everyone deals with setbacks very well.
How can you deal with setbacks in a relationship?
Setback is actually a disappointment of your own expectation. If there was no expectation, then there could be no setback. By adjusting your expectations, the pain of a setback is reduced. If you insist on winning the game, and you don't succeed, frustration can arise. If your intention is to play a game of fun and winning comes in second place, the setback in case of loss will also be less. Therefore, set realistic goals and expectations in a relationship.
After physical or emotional violence you still love the other person.
Despite (extreme) physical or emotional violence, we can still love someone after a break-up of a relationship. The feeling of being together and meeting the expectations of the other person can be stronger than the suffering. In this case, it is advisable to consult a heartbreak coach or mental coach on TheONE. In no way should a person be allowed to be subjected to emotional or physical violence.
If you have any relationship issues or grief, contact a relationship coach now and reduce the pain immediately.