Learn how to be happy with yourself - 7 easy steps
Many people struggle with being happy with themself. I give you 7 easy steps to be happy with yourself in life that I teach my students and clients every single day.
“If you want to be happy, be.” -Leo Tolstoy-
Happiness is such a simple word. Just the word by itself brings a smile to my face. We spend a lifetime chasing happiness. ‘Happily ever after’ - that's the dream, isn’t it?
However only a few of us are truly happy and content. Only a few of us have that happy ending.
What is the difference? Can everybody achieve happiness?
First, let me ask you. What does happiness mean to you?
Lots of money? New car? Six-pack? Big breasts? Expensive stuff? Your family?
What happens when you lose all of these things? You are no longer happy!
“If you have to have - or be - something in order to be happy - you are aspiring for superficial happiness that can be taken away from you at any moment!”
1. Stop pondering about your looks
Many of my clients come to me seeking some kind of ‘happiness’. Usually they have questions and are pondering about their looks. This means they want to lose weight, get leaner muscles in order to feel happy and confident again.
Some of them show me a picture from the internet and say “this is how I want to look like”. It breaks my heart. That image of a perfectly photoshopped body equals happiness and confidence to them.
I can help you get a visible six-pack to look and feel better. Will it make you happy though?Will you stop pondering? What will happen once you grow a little belly? Does a little belly means you are not worth feeling happy?
2. Stop keeping up appearance - Paula’s Story
Society has taught us that when you are successful, you should wear expensive clothes, tons of sparkly jewelry, matching bags and shoes, your hair cut to the latest fashion, so people can see it just by looking at you. You are taught to keep up appearances no matter what. And that is not the way to be happy with yourself.
You might be suffering from ill-fitted clothes or shoes, but dammit - you are a success! I know a few people who are buying expensive clothes even though they can’t afford them.
I asked them “Why are you buying these clothes and digging deeper into your debts?” Their answer shocked me.
One of them in particular, let’s call her ‘Paula’, said: “I wear these clothes because I want to keep up the appearance and show people that I'm better and happier than them.”
Ehm, ok….. Wait, what?
Paula continued: “My clothes show who I am! I have a highly paid job, I’m beautiful, I know a lot of people in high places and I want to wear only expensive clothes!”
What you don't know about Paula is that she is coming from a dysfunctional family so she took on herself to raise her siblings, which I admire. With very little money, she managed to take care of them.
However, Paula made a habit of telling everybody how wrong and ‘stupid’ they were - all the time.
She was the only one who could make smart choices. Nothing her siblings did was ever going to measure up to Paula’s standards. And one day Paula left to seek her fortune overseas.
She decided to leave the old ‘her’ back home. New expensive clothes, jewelry, car. She was going to be happy at last!
Paula couldn’t get along with her colleagues, because they were a ‘bunch of idiots’.
Her bosses were ‘drama queens’.
She couldn’t maintain a steady and healthy relationship because all her partners were beneath her. She was always looking for that next thing worthy of her attention to keep up the appearance.
She did modification, or ‘upgrades’ as she called it - to her body. She was utterly happy! So she claimed to be.
Do you see where I am going with this?
Paula kept chasing happiness by copying a certain ‘look’ and ‘status’ just to keep up appearances’. And she still does. One of the rooms in her house is dedicated to her clothes, shoes, and purses. Floor to ceiling - superficial layers of so-called happiness and content. Keep up with that, Kardashians!
And every morning Paula wakes up, puts on her ‘happy clothes’ that shout ‘look how happy and content I am’ and off she goes. After she returns home, to her empty house, she opens a bottle of wine, turns the TV on, and falls asleep on her sofa.
On rare occasions, when we talk over the phone, Paula can’t hide her surprise about ‘how come I am still single? I’m a nice person. Why does nobody want to be with me?”
What would be your answer?
3. Stop chasing material things
By the way, can you tell if somebody is happy just by looking at them?
Yes, you can!
But it's not about their material things like their clothes, muscles or loads of money.
It’s in their face, you can see it in their eyes. You can feel happiness shining through them, through their words, their movements, their energy. Their happiness is contagious, you can almost taste the rainbow.
The happiest people I met in my life were during my business travels through Africa and India. They didn't have many material things. The simple roof over their head, very little food, old t-shirt, and flip-flops. And yet, happiness was oozing through them.
I wanted to know their secret. I needed to know! What made them so blissfully happy?
The answer was - nothing!
‘Nothing’ made them happy, they just were happy! At first, I didn't understand what that meant. How can ‘nothing’ make you happy? What about all the material things we need or want or simply must have?
I kept asking, demanding an answer. And one day I got this explanation from an HIV positive boy in one of the orphanages we visited in Malawi.
“I’m happy because I woke up this morning next to my friends. I’m happy because I can go to school and learn. I want to be a doctor so I can help my friends and people in my village. And today is a beautiful day!”
What do you say to that? There was nothing that could take away happiness from this amazing human being. He didn’t need more material things like a 10th pair of new shoes, or jewelry or a new phone.
His smile and happiness filled the space around him. The unconditional love for life and his friends was like a warm fuzzy blanket. His world was perfect for him.
That trip to Malawi and that little boy changed my perspective of happiness for good.
4. Stop doing it all by yourself - hire a life coach
When was the last time you felt happy just because? Just because a stranger smiled at you, or somebody opened the door for you?
When was the last time you felt relaxed and content?
When was the last time you woke up in the morning filled with optimism for what’s ahead of you?
When was the last time you were truly yourself?
When was the last time you went to bed without feeling guilty about something?
Let’s take a look at some most successful people in the world: Bill Gates, Bill Clinton, Leonardo DiCaprio, Oprah, Serena Williams, Conor McGregor, Oprah - Can you guess why I’m mentioning them?
Hint: they have one thing in common (I don't mean that they are all successful and rich)
These megastars have all hired – and exalted– the services of a (Life) Coach!
There is actually scientific data that is even more compelling.
Studies and research conducted by the International Coaching Federation on the effectiveness of life coaching indicated that a whopping 99% of the people they interviewed saw their experience working with a life coach as rewarding, while 96% stated they would hire a Life Coach again.
Moreover, 65% said working with a coach helped them improve their performance at work, and 80% said it helped improve their self-confidence.
I know that you don't care about any of this data. Why should you? It means nothing to you.
“But Life Coaches and Trainers are expensive, I can't afford that!”
I’m not here to convince you to hire a Coach. Not at all. But let me ask you: aren’t you tired of trying to do it all by yourself?
Let me share my dream with you.
But first I tell you ‘why’.
The other day, my 7-year old daughter was taking selfies. She is a beautiful, smart, loving, and caring human being. She came to me asking to put a filter over her photos because she wanted to look beautiful.
My heart broke. How can she think she is not beautiful?
The answer is everywhere. We are blasted with perfect and flawless pictures, super-humans that are smiling from ear to ear. Even toys are reflecting some kind of perfection.
Every other ad on social media is about a new filter that makes you look like a cartoon or just “perfect”. Every new app is made to make you look like anything else but yourself.
When I was growing up, make-up was used to enhance your natural beauty. Now it's all about creating a totally different face.
What’s wrong with the way you look? Why do you need all these layers to make you feel happy and content? To make you feel….. Anything?
“I strive to teach people to be MORE human and less perfect.”
I want to see more normal humans around me. I want my daughter to feel beautiful without filters and thick layers of make-up.
I want to see a world where happiness is a natural state of mind, not a privilege.
I want humans to understand that happiness and content lays within themselves.
I want YOU to feel happy and strong and confident - without any outside reason.
I want to tell YOU - “Just be yourself. World needs you as you are.”
Wouldn't that be a world you would like to live in?
- Imagine waking up every day happy and confident.
- Imagine feeling relaxed, grateful, and loving every day.
- Imagine having a strong and resilient mind.
- Imagine feeling strong, healthy, and vital.
“But personal trainers, coaches, and nutritionists are so expensive, I can't afford that!”
I totally get that. I used to think the same when I was younger. Why should I pay for something that is free online? Right?! And yet, I started to transform my life when I spoke to a coach.
5. Stop being scared of problems and setbacks
Interesting fact - my clients are more comfortable to tell their friends and family that they are ‘seeing’ a Coach about their problems and setbacks - me - than a therapist. Where is this shame coming from?
In today’s perfect society, there is no place for anything less than perfect. Words like mental illness or mental health are no-no words. Problems and setbacks are required to be dealt with swiftly and privately.
Without the right toolbox to manage life’s problems and setbacks - it will show up in every aspect of your life: personal, work, relationships.
With a little guidance from a coach, you can conquer your fears, problems, challenges, and setbacks.
A good coach lets you see and feel that you are capable of achieving anything.
A good coach understands your inner struggle and helps you win that battle.
A good coach helps you to build your dream world for yourself and others.
6. Stop being a passenger in the backseat of your car
A coach can help you transition from a passenger to the driver of your own life. A coach can take you from where you are right now to where you want to be. Whether it is more wealth, better relationships, a promotion at work, better health, a stronger body - you get it.
Coaches sit in the passenger seat and lets you drive the car. The reason why I love coaching is that as a coach, I’m your partner and motivator. I get to witness your progress and growth. I get to experience all your losses and victories. We get to celebrate together all the things you are capable of achieving.
I focus on finding the best ways to be the best version of yourself.
Coaches see through your excuses and limiting beliefs, and keep you accountable for your actions and challenge you to do more.
Coaches unconditional belief in your capabilities is what keeps you motivated, and committed to becoming the person you want to be and hence creating a better world.
Besides, there are no backseats in a Ferrari or a Lamborghini. It’s time for you to grab the wheel!
7. Begin to live the life you deserve
“Vitality is a combination of physical strength, healthy eating, and a healthy mindset. My favorite explanation of ‘being vital’ means the continuation of a meaningful or purposeful existence”.
This is the intro on my page. And it sums up pretty much why I do what I do. I help my students and clients to live the life they always wanted and deserved.
Unity means Oneness. Being “one” with oneself and the world is the first step in unleashing one’s true potential and lifelong happiness and vitality.
In coaching, the same way as with almost everything’ - ‘one size doesn’t fit all’.
As a coach, I always tailor my approach to motivate my clients to start the life they deserve.
The other reason why I became a coach is that there are people who don't always have your best interest at heart. It is breaking my heart to see what ‘coaches’ would say and promise - just to make quick money.
I want people in this industry to either raise their standards or leave.
I want to share my knowledge and offer my guidance in your quest for mental and physical health.
I want to educate people about sustainable, healthy, and balanced lifestyles without diets, expensive supplements, and detox.
I want people to see that physical, mental and spiritual health isn’t in a magazine picture - it is in living the life you deserve
I strive to teach people that “healthy” isn’t expensive or complicated.
I strive to teach people that ‘being fit’ doesn't have a size, it has an ecstatic feeling and resilient mentality.
I strive to teach people that healthy means ‘having a healthy mindset and a healthy body!’
“I strive to teach people to be MORE human and less perfect.”
I’m blessed with being able to be working with my coaches and mentors (yes, I have a few). They have an extraordinary gift to inspire others. They are surely inspiring me to live the life that I deserve. And I want to do the same for you.
They teach me the most important lesson that every individual should learn about living day to day, which is that we have a choice in every circumstance. We chose how we want to live our lives.
And it is only up to us to decide on how we will respond to whatever challenges and obstacles we encounter.
“Everyone needs a coach. We all need people to give us feedback. That’s how we improve.” Bill Gates
I used to feel lost and defeated. But now I live fearlessly and with a purpose! And so can you! Let me guide you on your journey. I will be in your pocket, inside your phone. Or in your living room on the big screen.
You deserve to live the life you always wanted.
I know YOU CAN! Do you?
Pierre HoltzhausenFull time Life Coach€ 0,55 pm
Frits van NoortwijkLeadershipscoach€ 1,25 pm
Alwien TulnerCoach€ 1,50 pm
Maria Lia DartiguelongueFreelance Life Coach€ 0,49 pm
Jesús Ramos LópezWork Psychologiest€ 0,20 pm
Desri GoodwinWellbeing coach€ 1,25 pm